get the heck out

Here in Connecticut, Sunday was one of the best weather days of 2012 so far—sunny and clear, temps in the high 60s and it’s not even the first day of spring yet …

Yay, global warming!

So as I was running around the house doing my normal Sunday chores—laundry, ironing, dishes, writing—I couldn’t help but notice the sunshine from outside streaming through the windows and on the four young boys (two of whom were my own) who were sitting on my living room furniture, heads buried in laptops, cell phones, iPod touches and other sundry electronic devices.

“Hey guys,” I said, putting my neatly folded laundry down for a moment. “I think you all need to take a break from games and go outside for a little while. It’s a gorgeous day!”

Well, that’s what I thought I said. By the reaction I received, it apparently sounded a lot more like, “I think you all need to go out through the monsoon to the salt mine out back and break rocks for a while. And don’t come back until you’re dead from exhaustion.”

Seriously.

[*hikes up pants, takes a deep breath*]

Ahem. Back in my day—

[Hold on a sec. Before I go too far off on this Old Man rant, I’d just like to point out that I told the kids to get ON my lawn, rather then get off of it. Just sayin’.

Okay, back to my rant, already in progress…]

—UP HILL IN THE SNOW WHILE FIGHTING OFF SABER TOOTH TIGERS THE WHOLE TIME. BOTH WAYS!!

Anyway, I guess them days are gone. Between so many electronic distractions and helicopter parents who don’t let kids go next door without a signed permission slip and a certified lifeguard on duty to monitor the sandbox, the majority of kids just aren’t into spending their days outside roaming around the neighborhood and exploring the world beyond the sheltered end of their cul-de-sac.

I’m sort of torn on this. Part of me wants to go off on a rant about how my friends and I used to spend hours playing baseball and football without (gasp!) coaches, running around in the woods, going unsupervised into abandoned construction sites and other moderately dangerous mischief we used to find, and how we turned out okay. By the same token, I realize that it’s a new world now, that kids are smarter, more savvy and mature, and still playing together, just in digital domains. Of course, they are a bit fatter than they used to be …

Maybe I need to do a list featuring the pros and cons of each. Let’s give it a shot:

Inside

Pros:

• Climate controlled
• Access to electronics, the internet and all the pleasures associated with them
• Fewer bugs that will sting you
• Low chance of sunburn
• General absence of clowns

Cons:

• Recycled air keeps circulating other people’s germs until they can finally latch on to you
• Too much electronics = brain cancer (I think Rick Santorum said that, although that could be a lie)
• Higher chance of carbon monoxide poisoning
• Unless you’re on Team Edward, no one likes pasty skin
• If clown appears, fewer opportunities to escape

Outside

Pros:

• Plenty of fresh air
• Many opportunities for physical activity and recreation
• Better appreciation of nature and the beautiful world around us
• Bright sunshine is good psychologically
• More places to hide dead clowns

Cons:

• Snow, rain and cold, as well as the constant threat of locust
• Less likely to stumble across celebrity flesh surfing at the beach as opposed to surfing the web
• Ticks, mosquitoes, bears and rabid goats don’t usually live in houses, you know
• Too much sunshine = skin cancer
• More places for zombie clowns to hide

Well, I’m not sure that really solved anything.

[*glances out window, notices abundant sunshine*]

Oh well, I think it’s time to accept the wisdom of our greatest American actor (pound for pound). (Clip contains some NSFW language.)

Later!