Not sure where I ‘m going with this, but it’s been weighing heavy on my mind … and by “heavy,” I mean it’s a slightly larger tangent of the billion or so bouncing around my skull.
Kim Kardashian has 14 million Twitter followers.
14,000,000, 14 thousand thousand or 14 x ×106 for you mathletes.
Like many of the other of millions who don’t follow her, I ask: “Why?”
I get that she’s a “celebrity,” although I truly, honestly and thoroughly don’t understand why that even is. Yes, this is ground that Joel McHale used to cover on “The Soup” years ago—that this woman seems to have found fame and fortune by doing nothing other than being the daughter of someone quasi-famous and then “accidentally” releasing a sex tape.
Hey, I’ve had sex and my dad is a legend in the Boy Scout community, yet I only have 50 Twitter followers …
Okay, let’s quickly mentally bleach away those thoughts…
Regardless, Ms. Kardashian has no discernible talent other than being an incredible media whore. She doesn’t sing, act, dance, paint, hit a baseball, compose sonnets, juggle chainsaws or have any other worthwhile skill. She claims to be “a business woman,” but does anyone think for a second she’s ever studied economics, can explain the fallacy of consumption or can even put together her own PowerPoint presentation? She’s claims to be a fashion and style maven, but can you picture her actually cutting out clothing patterns or sewing together her own garment prototypes? Would she even know how to work a pair of scissors? She’s certainly not the worst-looking woman out there, I’ll give her that, but she’s no Ava Gardner….
I mean, come on.
Ms. Kardashian isn’t amusing or funny (intentionally), nor does she even seem to be a particularly kind, charming or interesting person. She’s not a role model to whom any rational or sensible parent would want their child to aspire. She doesn’t contribute much to culture or society, other than when she’s caught in a lie, say like her sham wedding.
In other words, she’s famous for just … being.
That sound you heard coming from the far side of the Atlantic is Rene Descartes spinning like an existential top in his grave(s—his remains are kept in one place while his brain is the Musée de l’Homme in Paris).
Yet Ms. Kardashian profits greatly from sucking the attention and energy from the rest of us. She allegedly banked $20 million from her orchestrated “marriage,” and I seem to remember seeing recently that she was worth about $35 million.
In the well-chosen words of “Mad Men” actor Jon Hamm, “stupidity” and being a “f–king idiot” have proven to be quite the valuable commodities in this day and age.
I wish that after her phony televised union, the sheeple were beginning to catch on to her vapid, self-absorbed machinations, but like a bad penny, she keeps finding her way into the headlines. Last week she got powder-bombed, and then there were rumors that she was now canoodling with Kanye West (also known for his media whoring abilities). And then she wasn’t. And then they were caught out together.
Now, you may be saying, “Gosh, for someone you seem to detest, you seem to know a lot about her.”
The funny thing is that I’ve made a conscious effort to NEVER click on a story about her. All the stuff you’ve read above has been gleaned from “The Soup,” other media outlets or simply taking notice of headlines. You really can’t avoid her, even here in rayality.
So why am I wasting my valuable time on this subject? In a grass-roots effort to stop it.
My solution for collapsing the black hole of attention that is Kim Kardashian is derived—like so many other of life’s answers—from an episode of “The Simpsons.” (I would’ve embedded the clip but apparently FOX’s copyright gestapo has eradicated all the “The Simpsons” clips from YouTube.) In the iconic “Treehouse of Horror VI: Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores,” an ionic storm brings the giant advertising figures (such as Lard Boy) around Springfield to life. As usual, Lisa saves the day by figuring out that they are being sustained by pure attention, and quickly enlists the aid of songwriter Paul Anka to defeat the media monsters with a catchy little ditty.
The scene—
Lisa: [speaking] Hey, Springfield! Are you suffering from the heartbreak of … monster-itis? Then take a tip from Mr. Paul Anka!
Paul Anka: [singing and playing electronic keyboard]
To stop those monsters, one-two-three,
Here’s a fresh new way that’s trouble-free,
It’s got Paul Anka’s guarantee … [winks]
Lisa: Guarantee void in Tennessee.
Paul Anka and Lisa:
Just don’t look! Just don’t look!
Just don’t look! Just don’t look!
Just don’t look! Just don’t look!
Just don’t look! Just don’t look!
As the denizens of Springfield start ignoring the attention-starved creatures, they quickly die.
So that’s my plan when it comes to Kim Kardashian: Just don’t look! I won’t watch TV shows about her, click on stories about her, re-tweet any of her inane tweets or even joke or write about her again. (In case you didn’t notice, none of the links in this post go to any Kardashian-related stories.) From here on out, rayality will be a Kardashian-free zone.
I know one person going against 14 million are not good odds, but hey, I’ve got to try. Please feel free to join me in my boycott. I’m not saying we have to hate on Kim (although you’re welcome to), I’m just saying let’s ignore her.
Today, we stop paying attention to Kim Kardashian. Tomorrow, we find something worthwhile to do instead. Me, I’m starting with re-arranging my sock drawer.