power trip

So in case you’ve been wondering where I’ve been after mocking Hurricane Sandy last week, I was clearly smited by the universe—we lost power at about 2 pm on Monday of the storm, and only got it back today (Sunday) at about noon, which is about six full days without power.

Of course, the calendar flipped from October to November, so when I tell the tale to the youngins some day, it’ll be that we went two months without power—and had to walk to work every day …..  in the snow …. uphill ….  both ways!

Given the timing—just before NFL kickoff on Sunday—my buddy Bobby said that the football gods smiled on me, which would be appropriate given how much I’ve venerated them over the decades. Then again, if they were really on my side, they would’ve cut off my power last week before the latest Jets debacle.

Anyway, although it was an inconvenience to not have electricity, hot water or heat for a week, it’s really tough to complain. The times that I was able to see the news, it quickly became pretty clear that we were exceptionally fortunate—aside from a few missing roof shingles and downed branches in the yard, we suffered no real damage or injuries. So again, I can’t bitch about much . . .

However, I can share—

10 Things I Learned From Being Without Power for a Week

Actually, I’ve learned a bit more than 10 things, but in case this week wasn’t enough fun, I’m currently prepping for a colonoscopy in the morning with my 17-year-old gastroenterologist, so I’ll be running to the bathroom between items … (Too much information?)

10. Despite having years to prepare and being able to come up with catchy nicknames for literally everything, from “bromances” and “staycations” to “The Pillsbury Throwboy” and “The Human Thumb,” we have yet to come up with a name for the first decade of the 21st century. I’ve heard people call it the “oughts” but that’s never really caught on, and it seems as though someone would’ve thought of something clever by now.

So anyway, this was the kind of thing that went through my mind in the middle of the night while I was laying in my bed, listening to the steady hum of the neighbors’ generators and staring at the ceiling trying to forget the situation.

9. Lots of reading makes me drowsy. The good news is that with lots of time to sit around the house, I got in some large chunks of reading, something I don’t normally have an opportunity to do. It also reminded me that when I read a lot in a non-work environment, I tend to fall asleep.

For anyone who suffers from insomnia, I would suggest Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time. I tried to read that at night before bed and I only got through about a page or two each night before the gravity of the words sucked me down into the black hole of dreamland. I think it took me about six months to read. Worth it, though.

8. Our house is well insulated. Despite temperatures dropping into the 30s the last few nights, the temperature in the house never went below 53 degrees at night. And when you’re bundled under the blankets, that’s not even all that noticeable.

During the day, however, was a bit of a different story. Luckily it was sunny most of the week after the storm, so our front porch—which is in direct sunlight for the majority of the day—was a good place to hang out, often even warmer than the house. Speaking of  …

7. After a week of no heat in October and November, 61 degrees feels like a sauna. It’s like my blood was thinned by constantly being in low temperatures, so after the heat came on today, by the time it got to 60, I was stripped down to my t-shirt and going comfortably barefoot.

I guess it’s all a matter of perspective, like how after the winter and you get that first 60-degree day in March, you think about throwing on shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Not that you would stoop to such unfashionable depths—no, not you—just that you *think* about it.

6. A chilly house is not a big deal to those under 13. I spent a lot of the week worrying about my kids in the lower temperatures, and although they certainly missed the TV, electronics and video games, they really didn’t complain about the cold (as I did). I attribute it to that uncalibrated thermostat component that I think every kid possesses—you know, when you’re at the beach on a cooler day and you notice the only ones swimming in the ocean are kids.

5. Hope is a dangerous thing. I can’t tell you how many times I read or heard something that made me believe that we would get power soon, only to have my hopes crushed as another day went by without it. And just like Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football, I fell for it every time … you know, until we actually got power today.

(On a side note, wouldn’t it have been awesome if just once, Charlie Brown just instead laid his foot into Lucy’s ass? Tell that to the doctor!)

4. Your refrigerator is nasty. As you might imagine, losing electricity meant losing everything in our fridge and freezer. Fortunately, I somewhat heeded the warnings last weekend, and when shopping, only bought a few essentials, so when the power went out, we ultimately only had to get rid of about $30 worth of condiments, frozen waffles and ice pops left over from the summer.

Not only did the storm force us to rid our fridge of all sorts of science experiments gone awry and failed attempts at growing penicillin, but it gave us a much-needed opportunity to clean it like we hadn’t done in years. Funny, when you have time to really get in there, you realize just how much funk there is under the ice in the freezer! Ugh. Sort of makes you wonder what might be under the ice in Antarctica.

3. People suck. They say a crisis doesn’t make character, it shows it, and we’ve seen the worst of people, including roaming gangs of looters in New York City and people coming to blows while waiting impatiently in lines for gasoline in New Jersey.

Closer to home, I’ve been stunned at the general lack of courtesy on the roads here in Connecticut, and the outright dangerous behaviors of many drivers, especially at intersections where the traffic signal has lost power. HELLO PEOPLE—YOU TREAT A SIGNAL THAT ISN’T WORKING JUST LIKE A STOP SIGN! YOU STOP!

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen driving in the last week like it’s Mad Max on the roads, running at full speed through darkened traffic lights! I’ve also almost been a witness to a half dozen accidents when people have driven through an intersection without so much as slowing down or looking up from their cell phone. Crazy!

2. People don’t suck. For every one or two d-bags out there, there were 10 people who reached out to me and my family with offers of heat, hot water and electricity to charge our beloved electronics.

And once again, I’d like to thank those who we did actually impose upon as well as those who we threatened to impose upon—can’t say enough how much we appreciate it!

1. I’m spoiled. And soft. And a crybaby, obviously. But yeah, I have grown to physically need the creature comforts that electricity provides, and like many, am loathe to give them up.

The amazing part is that after more than six days without electricity, once restored, life has gotten back to normal in about two hours.

I have the power!