Okay, I thought it might be fun to do an Oscars-type competition among the movies that I’ve seen this year in the theater. So I went through the list of 2012 theatrical releases and …
Well, here are the films I saw in the theater in 2012:
- The Three Stooges
- Brave
- The Avengers
- The Dark Knight Rises
- ParaNorman
- Frankenweenie
- Wreck-It Ralph
- Lincoln
(One of these is not like the others …)
Holy guacamole, what in the name of Ed Wood has happened to me?!
I mean, I absolutely *LOVE* going to the movies, and this is all I saw this year? I used to see this many films in a month, let alone an entire twelve months. Yes, my life has been very busy this year—ditto my wife’s and kids’—but this is just sad. Wow, I need to get out more.
Oh, and the depth and breadth of these films … well, it’s obvious that outside of Lincoln, I didn’t get to the cinema without my kids in tow. Even then …
Ugh.
But hey, why should a little thing like my glaring lack of theatrical visits in the past year stop me from my original idea of doing some movie awards? Go put on your shiny dress and grab your popcorn while I roll out the red carpet for
The 2012 Rayality Movie Awards
Best Picture – Unlike all those other awards show, I’ll give you my winner in the big category right up front, and this year it goes to: The Avengers.
Sure, Lincoln was great, but for reasons (to be discussed below), I felt that it wasn’t the best film I saw this year. We had very high expectations for The Avengers—as did half of the world—and it absolutely delivered. It was fun, full of action and had a few absolutely awesome moments. We all walked out of the theater buzzing and with big smiles on our faces, which is how you should really exit any theater.
Sure, it may not be considered artistic fare, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t great.
Best Actor – Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln. Words cannot express how terrific DDL was portraying the 16th president; he perfectly captured the Abraham Lincoln that history (not cinema) describes—wise, funny, thoughtful, affable, open-minded, shrewd politician, a teller of funny and coarse stories, high-pitched voice with a hillbilly-like twang, and most importantly, incredibly charismatic. Consequently, he’ll probably take home more than a few of those overrated “real” awards, and I think that’s a big reason why I didn’t enjoy Lincoln as much as I wanted to.
My biggest issue is that I wanted more Lincoln in a movie named Lincoln. Rather than a biography featuring the brilliant political career and remarkable life of Abraham Lincoln—who was born dirt poor in a log cabin in Kentucky, came out of nowhere to engineer the presidential nomination in 1860 and then brilliantly used his political rivals to form his cabinet—Lincoln really was a movie about the passage of the 13th amendment. As a movie about that, it was truly terrific. As a story about Lincoln (you know, as what a movie entitled Lincoln and based on Team of Rivals might suggest), it was woefully inadequate, especially when you have one of the best actors in the world giving one of his greatest performances. I wanted so much more.
To be fair, if you wanted to properly tell Lincoln’s story, a TV mini series like “John Adams” probably would be the best way to go. Maybe next time.
Best Actress – Larry David, The Three Stooges. David’s portrayal of Sister Mary-Mengele was a transforming performance that has re-invented the character of the “bad nun played by man” for all time to come …
Or, none of the other actresses in the films that I saw were all that terrific. I love both Anne Hathaway and Scarlett Johansson, but neither brought anything all that special or substantial to their portrayals of super hero chicks other than look *real good* in tight outfits.
And as Mary Todd Lincoln, for me, Sally Field played Sally Field as Mary Todd Lincoln. Meh.
Most Overrated Film – The Dark Knight Rises. Without giving away too many spoilers, let’s just say it was not nearly as good as The Dark Knight. I had some major issues, especially since it looks as though Christopher Nolan had an idea of how he wanted the trilogy to permanently (and heroically) end for a certain character, but it appears that the studio bosses came in and said, “You can’t do that!” and forced a convoluted, impractical and stupid end on the film.
I also had a problem with the main bad guy Bane—I couldn’t understand half three quarters anything he said. Look, I know trying to top Heath Ledger’s Joker is near impossible, but poor Tom Hardy was acting with one hand tied behind his back with his face completely obscured by that silly mask. I get that the comic-book character has the mask, but maybe they should’ve gone with a different villain. Preferably one that had some personality or understandable motivation for his crimes.
Also, there were plot holes big enough to drive the Batmobile through. I send you to this site [WARNING: LOTS OF SPOILERS!], where someone who has less of a life than me lists them by size.
Oh, and there’s the whole Batman-Catwoman thing. Speaking of …
Worst On-Screen Chemistry – Christian Bale and Anne Hathaway, The Dark Knight Rises. Not only did the whole Catwoman-Batman “romance” feel like a studio-demanded forced add on, but Bale and Hathaway had the chemistry of a log and another log. No sparks, no heat, no passion, no witty repartee, not even so much as a glimmer of mutual interest. I’ve had colonoscopies that were more alluring than these two together.
Best On-Screen Chemistry – John C. Reilly and Sarah Silverman, Wreck-It Ralph. I’m not a voice actor, but since the majority of them work alone in a recording booth, it must be challenging to do your lines and interact with other actors who aren’t there.
I read that Reilly only took the project because they told him that he would be able to work directly with the other actors in the recording studio, and it shows—he (as Ralph) and Silverman (as Vanellope) have a genuine camaraderie that helps sell the entire story.
Better Than I Dared to Hope – The Three Stooges. Like many of you, when I heard that the Farrelly Brothers were going to make a Three Stooges film, I was like, “Uh, really. That’s doesn’t seem like a good idea.” But my sons were interested, and when I saw how dead-on the actors got the original Stooges and their mannerisms, I was okay with seeing it.
Again, not art by any means, but certainly a bunch of cheap laughs to be had and much better than I expected. That being said …
Best Use of Snooki – The Three Stooges. And by “best use,” I mean by getting a few laughs out of her, that’s probably more than society could ever hope to get out of her.
Best Homage to Classic Cinema – Frankenweenie. I had to explain to my kids why I was laughing at the main character’s friends, who were inspired by Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff and Peter Lorre, none of whom they had ever heard of. Obviously, I need to have them start watching the old horror originals like Dracula, Frankenstein and The Mummy.
Biggest Surprise (And Best Animated Feature) – ParaNorman. Okay, in all seriousness, this was almost my best film of the year. Brave was beautiful and wonderful as any Pixar film, and Frankenweenie was Tim Burton-inspired fun, and even Wreck-It Ralph was decent, but this animated feature that almost no one saw was TERRIFIC.
ParaNorman didn’t use a bunch of celebrity voices to sell a movie that no one had heard of. It was original, the story had a lot of depth, some adult-like themes and wasn’t at all predictable, and the animation was awesome—the final confrontation between Norman and the “witch,” was nothing short of visually amazing (and touching and even a little scary). Just a great, great film.
I hope some day it gets discovered and becomes a Halloween classic like It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story has become for the other holidays.