So I obviously have no insight to the goings on in the conclave of cardinals other than what everyone else already knows: That no one was elected pope on the first try. Yet, I can’t help but have a sense of what’s going on inside the Sistene Chapel ….
Cardinal 1 [*finishing counting votes*]: All right—it looks like we don’t have a winner here. We’re going to have to burn these and do it again.
All cardinals: Groooooaaaannnn.
Cardinal 2: So anybody else hungry? Should we send out for some food?
Cardinal 3: Sounds great—just no Italian.
Cardinal 2: Agreed. How about some Chinese?
Cardinal 4: No—too much MSG. Not good for my high-blood pressure.
Cardinal 5: How about some Thai?
Cardinal 6: Mexican?
Cardinal 7: Both of those are too spicy. Don’t want any rumbling in the cloisters, if you know what I mean.
Cardinal 2: We could go with some Subway—everyone could order their own.
Cardinal 8: Sandwiches are so … common. Look around—a foot-long BLT would clash with the opulence.
Cardinal 3: True.
Cardinal 6: Spanish?
Cardinal 7: Again, another way of saying too spicy.
Cardinal 3: Shawarma?
Cardinal 6: Do we look like the blessed Avengers?
Cardinal 2: Well, we do wear bright robes . . .
Cardinal 4 [*long sigh*]: My patience is waning, as is my blood sugar. Can we get something decent to eat here before Revelations comes about?
Cardinal 8: There’s always French—that certainly fits our station.
Cardinal 5: Sounds good, but how many take-out French restaurants do you know?
Cardinal 1: Excellent point.
Cardinal 4: How about barbeque? We already got the fire going!
All cardinals: Groooaaaaannnnn ….
Cardinal 5: My brothers, this is silly! We have a lot of great suggestions here, maybe we can find some common ground.
Cardinal 3: Well … how about we put it to a vote?
Cardinal 1: Great idea! I’ll get the ballots …