Okay, I recently mentioned that I have a ton o’ content that, for whatever reasons, I’ve never finished or posted, or it’s just fallen through the cracks. While recently reaching into one of those fissures, I found this little foray into foolishness that I can’t think of why I never posted, other than maybe there wasn’t enough for a whole post? But as the Great American Attention Span has shrank, this seems long enough. Right now, at least—come back in an hour and it’ll seem like “War and Peace.”

Anywhoo, it’s from six years ago when my sons were edging into adolescence. As I recently went with my younger son to the accepted student day at the university he’ll be attending this fall [*My baby—hold back tears here*], I’m reminded how quickly it all goes—even if I’m pretty much permanently stuck at 14 in my head.

So maybe think of this as a nostalgia trip and a salute to silly, plus a nod to the goofy kid who lingers in the best of us.

So as I was hanging out with my sons the other day, we got into a silly discussion as we’re prone to do—at the center of it: Villains who would NOT strike fear into the heart of anyone.

Here are that the Bendici boys came up with:

The Diabolical Deli Dude: With his catchphrase “Take a number!” he terrorizes the innocent by making them wait even longer to get sliced meats.

The Sinister Sink Soaker: This twisted maniac gets his jollies by going around and drenching helpless sinks—with water! The fiend.

Leap Year Lunatic: This madman appears once every four years for one day to wreak havoc and throw the universe in chaos by trying to make leap year a permanent annual event!

The Toilet Chameleon: Has the ability to blend in with any commode, often with disastrous consequences—let’s just say you do NOT want to accidentally sit on his lap when you have the squirts.

Shiny Penny: She possesses the proportional strength and abilities of a brand-new one cent piece, and all the horror that comes with that.

The Floppy Disk: Watch out! Outdated technology has a new evil overlord who wants to send us all back to the unsophisticated horror that was the 1990s. How would we survive?

The Terrible Towel Snapper: Don’t drop the soap—or your guard! No lockerroom is safe from this wet terrycloth-wielding menace.

The Window Washer: Sure, randomly cleaning huge panes of glass doesn’t sound particularly diabolical, but when you realize that you can better see the world through a spotless window, well …

Mr. Mime: He doesn’t actually commit crimes—he just pretends to!

A regular … well, not rogue’s gallery … let’s say, assembly of annoyances!