jerk of the week: save money, live like a jerk

Dec 132012
 

Okay, I’ll admit this right up front: I have a big problem with the infamous big box retailer that this week’s jerk runs. To me, they are one of the most economically destructive companies out there, responsible for ruining communities by running small businesses out of business and eliminating jobs, and then making sure anyone who does stay employed is not properly compensated. It also usually sucks revenues away from local small towns and communities all across America and sends it to Arkansas.

That’s right, I’m talking about Walmart, which means this week’s JERK OF THE WEEK is

Walmart CEO Mike Duke

I have been boycotting this company for more than a decade, refusing to step foot in any of its many, many stores. A certain lawyer who worked for the state labor department and that I know fairly well (and many of you may know by extension) has told me dozens of stories about how poorly Walmart treats its employees—from low wages and poor benefits to bad employment policies and outright bullying and harassment.

In my eyes, this company seems to act like a bunch of jerks all the time, but every now and then, they distinguish themselves.

Courtesy of the Huffington Post:

At a recent event, Bloomberg LP President Dan Doctoroff pointed out to the Walmart chief executive that even though his company paints itself as “serving an emerging middle class,” many of its employees aren’t paid enough to lead a normal life and some even resort to food stamps to make ends meet, as previously reported by The Huffington Post. This is what Duke had to say in response:

“Retailing is the most competitive industry out there, and we do pay competitive wages,” Duke told Doctoroff, according to Business Insider, noting that around 175,000 Walmart employees are promoted from entry-level positions each year. “Our associates are a great source of pride and personal inspiration for me,” he added.

Sure they are, Dukey. Sure they are. Keep telling yourself that. From the rest of the article.

According to market research firm Ibis World, the average wage for a Walmart employee is $8.81 per hour, barely over the minimum wage in some states. Walmart executives say average rates are higher, with estimates including $11.75 per hour and $12.40 per hour. In contrast, Duke made $18.7 million in 2010. With a CEO-to-employee pay ratio of 717-to-1, that ranks Duke second among a list of 50 CEOs who are paid significantly more than their employees.

It’s nice that he gets so much pride out of what he “provides” for his workers, especially around the holidays. And clearly, his employees absolutely appreciate all the love that he sends out to them—so much so that they just had to take to the streets to demonstrate it.

But really, why should we care. Anything to get those low, low prices, right? I mean, what’s a horribly deadly factory fire in a third-world country when Season 4 of “Billy the Exterminator” is on sale?!

You get what you pay for—I’ll be shopping somewhere where I hope there are less jerks in charge.

For what it’s worth: Although I’d encourage you to buy my book wherever you can, I’d actually prefer if you didn’t go to Walmart to get it (not that something so low brow would even be there). And although I always link to Amazon, I wouldn’t be upset if you bought it from a local bookstore this holiday season. Thanks!

 

jerk of the week: cash grab

Dec 062012
 

If you live here in Connecticut, you may have already heard about this story a few days ago—even though some time has passed since the initial report, it doesn’t reduce the level of jerkiness.

I should say right up front that I understand all about “innocent until proven guilty,” but the evidence in this case certainly seems strong. And if it does come out that it was dramatically wrong, I would like to sincerely apologize in advance.

That being said, this week’s JERK OF THE WEEK is

Trooper First Class Aaron Huntsman

Yeah, nothing will make you cringe like seeing one of those who are sworn to serve and protect on the wrong side of the law, especially when they appear to have seriously betrayed the public trust.

From the Hartford Courant:

The state trooper who allegedly stole cash and a gold chain from the victim of a fatal motorcycle crash was one of two troopers who went to the victim’s mother’s house that night to tell her that her son had died, according to an arrest warrant.

Trooper First Class Aaron Huntsman, 43, was the lead investigator of the Sept. 22 crash in Fairfield that killed John Scalesse, 49, of Orange.

Huntsman, an 18-year veteran, faces larceny charges and an internal investigation after his own dashboard camera recorded a conversation with emergency personnel at the scene that police say implicates him in the theft of $3,700 in cash.

To serve and protect, indeed.

According the Courant, the parents of the victim repeatedly called and asked Huntsman about the gold chain and cash, and the trooper repeatedly denied he knew anything about it. After the victim’s grieving father finally contacted Huntsman’s supervisor, the trooper conveniently discovered the chain in the cup holder of his cruiser, claiming he had forgotten about it. Similarly, when detectives eventually searched his cruiser, they found the money under the front passenger seat, also apparently forgotten about.

From the article:

On Nov. 14, Huntsman and his attorney, Jeffrey Ment, met with state police investigators. Ment asked to view the video from the night of the crash. Huntsman admitted that he can be heard saying “I’ll take it as evidence” but insisted that he never saw any cash.

After consulting with his attorney, Huntsman said “Well it looks like I must have taken the money,” the warrant states.

I hate to say it, but it also looks like after stealing from a dead man and lying to his heartbroken family, you’re a jerk!

As for the rest of you—no need to steal, especially to find that perfect holiday gift for the jerk in your life! You can order my book right from Amazon.com.

 

jerk of the week: putting a “foot” in football

Nov 282012
 

Although many professional athletes act like jerks on the field, court, pitch, etc., every now and then you’ll get a guy who behaves so badly on a regular basis, it transcends the game he plays.

Let’s just say this week’s JERK OF THE WEEK was a “shoe in” for the award.

If you’re following along in your program, he’s #90 of the Detroit Lions—

Ndamukong Suh

Yes, to paraphrase the old Johnny Cash song, what we have here is a jerk named Suh.

Now, this will not be a surprise to anyone who follows the NFL as Suh was suspended for two games last year after he stomped on a member of the Green Bay Packers who was on the ground during last Thanksgiving Day’s game! He was also recently voted by his fellow players as “the dirtiest player in the NFL,” and that was all *before* this past Thursday’s game and the jerktastic act he perpetrated on Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub.

Anyway, like many, I was laid back on the couch after having gorged myself on turkey, mashed potatoes and apple pie, when this play sent me to the edge of my seat because I couldn’t believe what just happened. (And no, this isn’t Mark Sanchez running into his own lineman’s butt—that “joy” was still hours away for me.)

Here’s the clip—

Yeah, that kick to Matt Schaub’s groin was about as accidental as John Wilkes Booth’s revolver going off in the presidential box of Ford’s Theater, and only a little less vicious. I can’t help but think of “Oww! My Balls” from Idiocracy.

Suh wasn’t flagged by the refs, nor was he fined by the league, but given his past transgressions and visual evidence, it’s pretty darn clear that he meant to do it.

Interestingly, after the Lions blew the game in overtime, Suh was ticketed by Detroit police for reckless driving—the perfect end of the perfect day for a perfect jerk.

Speaking of perfect jerks, I know where you can find 15 of them, only a few of whom may have kicked unsuspecting foes in the groin. (I’m looking at you Benedict Arnold and William Stuart!)

Here’s hoping it doesn’t happen to any of you!

jerk of the week: bucket full o’ crap

Nov 142012
 

Oh, World—thanks again for making this weekly feature so easy!

This time, we go Down Under to New Zealand for our JERK OF THE WEEK:

Sam Bracanov

Okay, even though that over-sized sweater vest may look benign, the kiwi jerk wearing it is looking to do some harm—in particular, to Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall.

From CNN:

The 74-year old man, a known anti-Royalist, was arrested in Auckland on Monday at one of the venues Charles and Camilla were due to visit during their tour, according to a statement from the New Zealand Police.

Neither of the British royal family members were in the vicinity at the time, the statement added.

Bracanov was charged with preparing to commit a crime, namely assault, against the royal couple, according to police.

Bracanov had planned to throw a bucket of horse manure at Prince Charles, the New Zealand Herald reported.

Okay, I know you’re chuckling—and so I am, to be honest. A pail of poop for the Prince? Perfect. Not exactly lethal bodily harm, but certainly dramatic enough to send a message. Hey, loonies have used apple pies and glitter to attack public figures, so why not excrement?

And you also may be saying that I’m being a big harsh for declaring this guy a jerk for just wanting to attempt this—heck, some of you may have entertained similar fantasies involving other heads of state. As a matter of fact, I can’t sit here and say that I would be calling anyone a jerk if they had targeted a jerky blowhard sore loser.

But the reason that ol’ Sam wins the title this week is his comments after being released from jail:

“I won’t do it [again this week], I’ve done it once. I was not successful … but there’s always next time.”

Atta boy, Sammy! A true jerk doesn’t let little things like the police or the law stop him from bad behavior.

If you don’t believe me, feel free to put down your poop pail long enough to buy my book!

 

jerk of the week: general disregard

Nov 072012
 

As many of you know, I’m not a big fan of politics, so now that this “election” thing is done with, it comes as no surprise that I’ve decided to offer some counter-programming.

Besides, this week’s JERK OF THE WEEK is a real douchebag.

Please, do not get up and salute this “soldier,” unless you’re using your middle finger.

This week’s JERK OF THE WEEK is—

Brigadier General Jeffrey Sinclair

Yes, it’s sad that Mr. Sinclair, the deputy commander of the Army’s 82nd Airborne Division who has served in Afghanistan, is in the news this week, especially on the eve of Veteran’s Day. You may have heard that he was recently arrested, and is currently being court-martialed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, although the military seems intent on keeping the details mum and out of the press. Why, you ask?

Glad you asked.

I’ll let Wired tell you:

The first wave of details about Sinclair’s case began to emerge on Monday. Little has been revealed about Sinclair’s case besides the list of charges against him, including “wrongful sexual conduct,” forced sodomy, misusing official funds and more. But at the military version of a grand jury hearing on Monday morning, the Army disclosed that Sinclair’s alleged misconduct involved five women, four of them subordinate Army officers, in locations as varied as Fort Bragg and Afghanistan. The Fayetteville Observer reported from the hearing that Sinclair’s “encounters” with the women occurred “in a parking lot, in his office in Afghanistan with the door open, on an exposed balcony at a hotel and on a plane, where he allegedly groped a woman.” At least one of these encounters, the military contends, was forced.

Allegedly when confronted about his behavior, Sinclar simply said: “I’m a general, I’ll do whatever the [expletive] I want.”

Guess what? You’re also a jerk, and now I hope the grand jury does whatever the [expletive] it wants to you.

Speaking of jerks, feel free to order my book, Speaking Ill of the Dead: Jerks in Connecticut History. Hey, order two—one for yourself and one for that special jerk on your holiday shopping list!

jerk of the week: aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

Oct 232012
 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This one is worth a thousand nightmares, and then some.

This week’s

JERK OF THE WEEK—

Martin L. “Vlad” Evanick

Really, words fail me. Maybe tonight when I awaken in a cold sweat and screaming, clawing at my own eyeballs, something will come to me.

In the meantime, here’s the meat of the story cut-and-pasted from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch (because I can’t get away from my own blog post fast enough):

A Collinsville man who dresses as an evil clown as a member of a band has been accused of engaging in sexual activity with a minor and photographing it, prosecutors said this week.

Martin L. “Vlad” Evanick, 31, was indicted Oct. 17 on one federal felony charge of producing child porn and arrested Friday.

Prosecutors and the one-page indictment accuse Evanick of convincing a minor to engage in sexual activity sometime in April in Madison County and then photographing the minor’s genitals and himself engaging in a sex act with the minor.

Evanick plays drums and is the lead vocalist for the “thrash, death metal” band called The Core of Your Nightmares, according to Facebook pages for Evanick and the band.

Well, this jerk will certainly be at the core of my nightmares, and now I’m betting yours.

A special “thanks” to my “friend” Ian who posted the original link on my FB page.

jerk(s) of the week: family style

Oct 182012
 

This week, we have JERKS of the week, and when you discover why they are being so (dis)honored, I think you’ll agree with me that they are more than worthy of sharing the “distinction.”

Meet husband and wife JERKS OF THE WEEK—

GREGORY AND LaQURON LACY

“Okay, that looks like a pair of mugshots,” you might be saying to yourself. “That can’t be good.” And you would be right.

The Lacys were arrested for allegedly running “an exotic strip club” in their Perris, California home, complete with a stage, stripper pole and private “erotic zone.” Although illegal and generally frowned upon by more prudish neighbors, that isn’t exactly jerk of the week material.

From the Los Angeles Times:

Investigators found seven adopted children, all under 11 years old, living there and at least five ecstasy pills sitting on the kitchen counter, the documents said.

According to the documents, the children told officers that LaQuron Lacy, 43, would hit them with “fists, belts, hangers and metal objects, which caused them traumatic injuries and scarring,” and that she “often refused to feed them and often locked them in their bedrooms.”

The children told officers they witnessed late-night strip club parties that lasted until the early morning, the documents said.

Four of the seven children “described being hit … with belts and a metal cane” by 60-year-old Gregory Lacy, and a 6-year-old child said he threatened them with a Taser, according to the documents.

A 7-year-old girl also told officers Gregory Lacy had recently sexually assaulted her on a bathroom floor, according to the documents, an act apparently witnessed by some of the other children.

Sometimes, “JERK OF THE WEEK” isn’t strong enough a term for someone. I’d very passionately argue that this would definitely be one of those times.

I’ve often stated I understand how some sorts of child abuse can happen—I’ve been occasionally driven to absolute frustration and anger with my kids, but then I have that little thing that goes off in my brain that says, “Okay, calm down. They’re just kids. You love them, they love you . . . big deep breaths . . .  let it goooooo . . . .” But then there are some times and some stories—like this—that I can’t even picture how someone could get to the point where they would treat another person, let alone innocent children, in such a fashion. I’d say it’s unreal, but a glance at the full dockets of juvenile and family courts tell me that it’s all too real.

As many of you know, I don’t believe in God, which means heaven and hell aren’t concepts I buy into, either. Thus, I hope that there’s some sort of special retribution meted out on these two subhuman creatures in this life, maybe something in front of prison cameras so we can all watch, and then mentally slowly tuck a buck in the waistband of the inmates who provide justice. Not that it’ll help those poor kids . . .

This is one of those times that after I read the story, I just sort of went over, hugged my kids and told myself that even though I sometimes make mistakes as a parent, things are generally pretty damned good in my life.

Really, I’m not sure that I have anything else to say that isn’t already obvious. Buy my book, thanks.

jerk of the week: the jerk of versailles

Oct 102012
 

This JERK OF THE WEEK feature is a double-edged sword: It’s great because there’s so many people from which to choose, but it sucks because there are so many people from which to choose.

Being the consummate professional (and a jerk myself), however, I’m not about to stop.

This week’s wiener (shh … must be a typo) is living proof that being able to achieve financial success is no indication as to a person’s true worth. Sometimes the personality traits that are useful in amassing a fortune—like being an intimidating bully at times—aren’t always welcome outside the boardroom …

… Or in the voting booth!

This week’s JERK OF THE WEEK is …

DAVID SIEGEL

Some of you may already know of Siegel, who is the founder owner of Westgate Resorts, one of the largest time-share companies in the world. He—and his lovely wife Jacqueline—have also been in the news recently, mostly for being very rich people with very exorbitant taste.

But hey, liking shiny expensive toys does not make one a jerk. Threatening all your employees by sending them an email telling them if they don’t vote for Mitt Romney that they will all lose their jobs, however, is another story.

A story, best summed up by MSNBC.com, who posted a copy of the email:

“If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, as our current President plans, I will have no choice but to reduce the size of this company,” he wrote. “Rather than grow this company I will be forced to cut back. This means fewer jobs, less benefits and certainly less opportunity for everyone.”

In a version of Romney’s “47 percent” remarks, Siegel added that “people like me who made all the right decisions and invested in themselves are being forced to bail out all the people who didn’t. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed 42 years of my life for.”

The points are ones that have often been made during this election. But what makes the letter surprising is the source.

David Siegel is the man who, together with his wife, Jackie, built the largest new house in America, known as “Versailles.” His story first appeared in my book, “The High-Beta Rich.” It then made it to the big screen with the documentary film “The Queen of Versailles.”

They became symbols of outsized spending, debt and real estate in America.

But when the company started buckling under $1 billion in debt during the crisis, the Siegels’ home went into foreclosure and was put up for sale. They cut back on the jet, took the kids out of private school and gave up some of their staff.

Now, I don’t begrudge the man his rightfully earned millions, and obviously, he should vote for whomever he thinks will best protect his interests—heck, I do the same!

I do take exception, however, when he uses the power of continued employment—and all the basic amenities of life that are derived from that—during tough economic times to bully others. To me, that’s just dirty pool—or in this case, three pools and numerous fountains, as the Siegels’ opulent mansion has.

He can justify it anyway he wants, but all the money in the world won’t change the fact that David Siegel is the JERK OF THE WEEK.

And as always, if you want to throw some money my way, you can do so at Amazon.com with a purchase of my book!

 

jerk of the week: take the money and run

Oct 032012
 

See, it’s guys like this week’s JERK OF THE WEEK who give hard-working, honest, public-interest attorneys like my wife a bad name.

That’s right, this week’s JERK OF THE WEEK is

DOUGLAS ARNTSEN

It’s always sad to see those who are supposed to guide the rest of us through legal system abuse it for their own gain. In Arntsen’s case, that gain was $10 million. Not that he got to keep it—the long arm of the law caught up with him.

See, Arnsten, a corporate attorney, tried to make his fortune the old-fashioned way: By embezzling it.

From the Wall Street Journal:

Douglas Arntsen, a former attorney with Crowell & Moring LLP, pleaded guilty in Manhattan Tuesday to stealing more than $10 million from his clients, local prosecutors said.

The sum belonged to two former clients of Mr. Arntsen, 34 years old, while he was employed by the Washington, D.C.-based firm, according to the Manhattan district attorney’s office.

Prosecutors accused Mr. Arntsen of using the funds to pay for visits to “expensive restaurants, sporting events and strip clubs.”

Mr. Arntsen worked at Crowell & Moring from February 2007 to September 2011. In early 2009, Mr. Arntsen began embezzling several million dollars from an escrow fund owned by client Doina Capital LLC, an investment fund, prosecutors said.

The next year, he began stealing from a second client, Regal Real Estate LLC, to cover the shortfalls, prosecutors said. He stole more than $7 million from Regal, they said.

In September 2011, a Regal Real Estate employee confronted Mr. Arntsen about the missing money. Mr. Arntsen fled to Hong Kong, where he was arrested and extradited to the U.S., prosecutors said.

Now I know you may be saying that he was “only” stealing form rich corporations, but stealing is still stealing, and he violated the trust of his clients. The money didn’t belong to him, and the fact that he tried to escape after getting caught red-handed is even more odious. (Yes, odious!)

My favorite part of the story—and what cinched this week’s award—is this from a story on NBCnews.com:

Prosecutors accused him of fleeing to avoid arrest. His lawyer, Alan Lewis, has said Arntsen was taking a planned trip.

Of course he was—he planned on avoiding getting his comeuppance in prison by taking a trip on the other side of the globe, you know, because HE’S A JERK!

As always, if you want to spend money in a responsible—yet somewhat jerky manner—I know how you can. Thanks!

 

jerk of the week: damn the torpedoes

Sep 192012
 

As always, the world is making this feature all too easy.

This week we not only turn to the military, but we have a winner with a Connecticut connection.

This week’s JERK OF THE WEEK is

Navy Commander Michael P. Ward II

This story is breaking on a lot of news outlets right now, and there are various reports, but it appears that Mr. Ward, the commander of the U.S.S. Pittsburgh, based in Groton, and a married man with children, was involved in an extramarital affair. Now that may make him a jerk, but it’s the unique way he went about ending his relationship—and a fraudulent identity that came with it—that earns him this week’s honor …

That’s right. When faced with a bad situation, he faked his death….

From The Day of New London:

The two met on a dating website in October. Ward, 43, who is married with children, told her he was separated and that he worked in “special ops,” she said. He actually worked for the Joint Chiefs of Staff at the Pentagon.

They saw each other during the week while he attended the Joint Forces Staff College in Norfolk, Va., and spent a weekend together in Williamsburg, Va., in November, the report said. They spoke over the phone and emailed through June.

Ward sent her emails using the name Tony Moore, explaining that he had to use the name because of his position in the special forces, she said.

In March, he wrote, “we are forever nothing will stop that.” She said she loved him.

In the last email before Ward faked his death, “Tony Moore” wrote on June 23, “You look absolutely gorgeous!!!!! Miss you like crazy. I was out doing things – have to go back out tomorrow. Hope you got the window fixed!!!! I love you like crazy.”

Then, on July 6, in an effort to end the relationship, Ward sent an email from a fictitious co-worker, Bob, who claimed that Ward had unexpectedly died.

“He asked me to contact you if this ever happened,” the email says. “I am extremely sorry to tell you that he is gone. We tried everything we could to save him. I cannot say more. I am sorry it has to be this way.”

The email goes on to say, “He loved you very much.”

According to The Day story, the woman discovered the deception when she went to Ward’s house to “pay her respects” to the family, and instead learned that he was very much alive—and with his family—in Gales Ferry, Connecticut. She also discovered she was pregnant with Capt. Jerk’s child and confronted him, but subsequently lost the baby. When the love boat finally sank, she went to the Navy and Ward admitted to his “egregious” conduct.

The erstwhile Tony Moore has been relieved of his command and severely reprimanded, and is now doing administrative duties. He wasn’t make to walk the plank, nor was he thrown in the brig, but I’m sure he’s feeling like he’s had his battleship sunk. But hey, that’s the price to pay when you act like a jerk.

If you want to act like a jerk, or just read about them, sail into your local bookstore or surf on over to Amazon.com for you copy of Speaking Ill of the Dead: Jerks in Connecticut History. Ahoy!

 

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